


This Cruel Beautiful World

by orpheusheart



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-18 07:11:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14848112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orpheusheart/pseuds/orpheusheart
Summary: "In the darkness of the Night, the Heavens weep. The Stars are lost, and the Moon ceases to exist.The Sun dies tonight."[Be Warned: It Is Not A Happy Fic.]





	1. Silencing the Nightingale

It was a secret only the idols of Shining Agency knew about - that their two golden boys Ittoki Otoya and Ichinose Tokiya were dating. It was not a love that happened right from the start, at least not for Tokiya; for Otoya however, it started as a crush, a puppy love that developed over time. Over the course of their studies in Saotome Academy, the two polar opposites learned a lot from each other, and a lot about each other. It was right after they completed their Master Course under Kotobuki Reiji (and after the first encounter with the then three-member team of HE★VENS) that Otoya gathered enough courage to confess to Tokiya, in the privacy of their room when Reiji was out one evening.

 

Of course, Tokiya being Tokiya did not accept Otoya's confession right away, telling the younger male that he needed more time to think about it, and the fact that they were still talents signed under Shining Agency meant that no feelings of romantic love should be brought to the surface. And Otoya being Otoya abided by Tokiya's request, even though he knew that it was no longer a crush he had on Tokiya but a truly genuine love that went beyond romantic.

 

It was only after the incident with Ootori Eiichi and having almost lost Otoya to the darkness did Tokiya realise how much the redhead meant to him, and amidst his tears he took hold of Otoya's hands and confessed his own feelings, not caring if they were surrounded by friends. ST☆RISH bore witness to the first sweet kiss they shared, and they cheered for their two friends and wished them all the best. When Otoya and Tokiya confessed to Reiji about their relationship, after the whole Triple S event was over, the older man was overjoyed and hugged them tightly, telling them how proud he was of them. The news spread to the rest of QUARTET NIGHT, and while their answers were not as enthusiastic as Reiji's, they were still positive to the two juniors' relationship.

 

Reality was not as kind, however. Being talents and idols, they had to keep their relationship under lock and key. It was a well-known unwritten rule in the idol industry that every talent must remain single, to ensure that they were marketable to the masses, especially with women. Otoya tried to voice out his opinion, but Tokiya managed to reason with him about it. They had a few narrow escapes when paparazzi tried to catch them on secret dates and speculations abound, but as far as they were concerned, their cover was not blown.

 

 

 

 

_Yet._

 

 

 

 

When the third instalment of Shining Theatrical Productions was given the green light, and the groups were created, Otoya could not contain his joy, especially after discovering what the plot for the play him, Tokiya, Jinguuji Ren and Aijima Cecil were casted as the main actors was. _The Forest of Lycoris_ , loosely based off the Grimm's tale of _Little Red Riding Hood_ with a slight _Beauty and the Beast_ twist: it was a love story between the wolf and the boy with the red hood, there was no doubt about it. He was the boy with the red hood, and Tokiya was his big bad wolf.

 

It was perfect, even with the tragic ending. Otoya made sure he studied hard for his parts, going through his lines with his fellow cast members enthusiastically, as well as seeking help from Eiichi when he was stuck with certain portrayals in his acting. He also decided, with everyone's permission and Shining's approval, to reveal his relationship with Tokiya on the final night's curtain call. It was 2018, and Japan's push towards LGBT acceptance was looking positive, so what was there to lose?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was the final night for _The Forest of Lycoris_. Otoya was brimming with nervousness as he paced the dressing room he shared with Tokiya, tugging on the hem of his wristbands and fidgeting with his hair. Tokiya watched him with fond exasperation, calling the redhead over and pressing a light kiss to his cheek, careful not to smudge any make up they had on.

 

"Calm down, Otoya. I understand that it is a giant leap forward for us, but please do focus on the play right now and banish any other thought."

"I know, Tokiya... but I'm still scared... what if-"

"Shh." Tokiya silenced him with a finger to his lips. "We will worry about the what ifs after curtain call. For now, you are Blood, and I am Randolph. Do you want to go through the lines to take your mind off of things?"

"Un, okay..."

 

The two recited the lines they memorised by heart, Otoya giggling a little as they got to the cave scene. They were interrupted when Cecil poked his head into their dressing room. "Otoya, Tokiya, they're doing the briefing right now. We're going to start soon."

"Okay, Cecil~" As the brunet walked off, Otoya grinned and pecked Tokiya on the lips. "Thanks, Tokiya. Now I'm all excited for tonight."

"That is good to hear. Now let's go, the others are waiting for us."

 

* * *

 

There were a few additional moments the two of them casually added in, namely Blood sneakily nuzzling closer to Randolph while they were in the cave, Randolph and Blood sharing a kiss before Randolph's death, and one additional longer kiss at the epilogue, after the two held hands. They were met with applause and lots of gushing, which made their hearts swell up in pride. When it was time for the curtain call, after the mandatory cast thank yous and commentary, Otoya cleared his throat for his final announcement.

"Aah, as all of you have noticed, there were a few added touches that may or may not make it to the DVD," Otoya paused to blush a little, continuing after Tokiya squeezed his hand encouragingly. "And, uhm, well... I have an announcement to make, please don't be shocked by it..."

The air was thick with anticipation and filled with quiet murmurs from the audience and stage hands alike. Otoya swallowed his nerves before he said the next few words that sealed their fate.

 

 

**"Tokiya and I are dating."**

 

 

The silence that befell the theatre was suffocating. Tokiya could sense the unease lingering in the air even after the final thank yous were given and applause was made. Ren noticed it and pulled the younger man aside to talk once the stage was cleared and the cast and crew headed backstage.

"Hey, you ok, Icchi?"

Tokiya nodded, but thought better and shook his head, absently scratching his throat and coughing a little, a strange itch tickling behind his tongue. "I... cannot seem to shake off this unpleasant feeling, Ren. I know, I should not be worried, but..."

"Ah... the what ifs." Ren gave Tokiya a friendly hug, calmly squeezing his shoulder. "I know you and Ikki are stronger than this. Don't worry, we got your backs. All of us in ST☆RISH, QUARTET NIGHT, and HE★VENS."

"Thank you, Ren."

 

 

* * *

 

 

It started with a hate tw!t with the hashtag labelling Otoya as a betrayer and a video of an upset and angry fangirl vandalising her merchandise of him. That soon escalated to more tw!ts about how Otoya and Tokiya betrayed their feelings, and it was only a matter of time before the Shining Mansion's mailbox was filled with angry letters from said fans, telling the two to _go die!!_ , calling them _fucking faggots_ , expressing how they only liked gays in fiction and not in real life because it was _utterly disgusting and [they] should rot in hell_.

 

Otoya had the misfortune of reading the tweets as he was browsing through his SNS, biting his lip as he tried to reply to each and every one of them asking for their support instead of their hate. It was catastrophic, and the horde of haters grew, ganging up on Otoya over tw!tter and accusing him of stealing away their precious Prince Tokiya, for corrupting their pure nightingale with his rotten love.

 

Tokiya had his share of haters, his own personal tw!tter buzzing with mentions about how evil he was for tainting their pure-hearted Otoya, that a dark tsundere asshole like him did not deserve a pure angel like Otoya. The physical hatemail continued to flood the Shining Mansion's mailbox, and it was only when Otoya accidentally cut himself on a razor that was hidden in one of the letters that Shining took action, and disposed of all the mail that was addressed to either Otoya or Tokiya personally.

 

It did not end there though. While demand for ST☆RISH merchandise and CDs did not change, there was a marked decrease in the sales for Otoya's and Tokiya's individual merchandise. The stream of hashtags with the keywords _disgusting_ , _die and rot in hell_ , _filthy gays_ , so on and so forth, tagged on to both their names, permeated every SNS platform, from L!NE to tw!tter to even f@cebook. Anti-pages popped up, their pasts and histories unearthed and plastered onto webpages, telling lies and weaving untruths about the two. It got to the point where Otoya cried himself to sleep at night, blaming himself for opening this can of worms when he should have kept quiet in the first place.

 

It took all of Tokiya's willpower not to break down in front of Otoya, and he held his lover every night, singing softly into his ears and whispering words of encouragement. "It is not your fault, Otoya, stay strong for me, shh, please do not cry, it is not worth it, you should not listen to them, they are all wrong about us," was his mantra every night, amidst Otoya's incoherent babbling and sobbing. Reiji held them both in his arms when he could, petting the redhead while the raven kissed his tears away.

 

Otoya's performance deteriorated, and the sleepless crying nights continued. Everyone was worried over the two of them, to the point that Shining announced a special fan meet to address this terrible issue. The security was tighter than ever - no bags or personal belongings were allowed inside the fan meet hall, and items that were deemed potentially dangerous and harmful were immediately confiscated. The hall itself was small, not like their previous concerts and live performances, but as per usual it was fully booked. That in itself was worrying, as ST☆RISH did not know what was in store for them.

 

The event started out slow, as each member took their turn to the stage, but when it was Otoya's turn, the crowd started to jeer, loud enough to drown his voice and the backing music. Tokiya was not spared from the jeering either, though it was not as loud as during Otoya's turn. During the free talk segment, the jeering continued - it got to the point where Otoya almost broke down again until Kurusu Syo had had enough and stepped up.

 

" **Shut the _fuck_ up**! This event is _over_!" He yelled over the crowd, and silence befell the entire hall. "I dunno why you guys even bother coming if all you wanna do is to throw insults at my best friends! I've had it! We're ending this _now_!"

 

The seven of them quickly left the stage and stayed in the green room until the hall was cleared. Otoya was shaking visibly, his hands trembling as Hijirikawa Masato coaxed him to sip some water. Shinomiya Natsuki was clenching and unclenching his fists, leaning against the wall and trying not to punch a hole in it. Syo sat on Otoya's other side, rubbing the redhead's back soothingly, while Cecil and Ren attempted to make some light talk to fill up the awkward silence in the room.

 

Otoya met Tokiya's eyes, and the younger man bit his lip worriedly. The raven's jaw was clenched tight, an ugly, angry expression marring his beautiful features. A soft "I'm sorry, Tokiya, you guys," left Otoya's lips before he could stop himself, and he started crying softly when everyone else immediately tried to reassure him it was not his fault, that it was not wrong to hide what he felt. Tokiya went over and hugged his crying lover tightly, shedding a few tears himself as he sang softly to Otoya. The other members stayed quiet, afraid to break this peaceful moment between the two, and only after the redhead calmed down enough did Tokiya stopped singing, smiling reassuringly at Otoya.

 

**"It will be fine. I promise you this."**

 

* * *

 

It felt like ages before they were able to leave the green room and head to their private van, security making sure everything was clear before ushering the seven men to safety. There was an air of malice as ST☆RISH crossed the parking space towards their van, the irate fans pushing against the boundaries set up to restrain them. Amidst the tension and jeering, one fan managed to break past the boundary screaming bloody murder.

 

 

_"Thief! Liar! You stole my darling Tokiya-sama away from me! I'm going to kill you, Ittoki Otoya!!"_

 

 

There was a huge ruckus, a few guards tackling the crazed fan to the ground, but it was too late.

 

\---

 

 

Red.

 

 

 

Black.

 

 

 

_Red._

 

 

 

Tokiya tried to scream, but his voice came out as a muffled, abnormally wet gurgle. He dropped to the ground in agony, clutching his throat and writhing in pain. He could vaguely hear the security guards yelling and apprehending another crazed fan,

 

and Otoya screaming,

 

screaming,

 

screaming for him...

 

 

 

_Otoya... please, do not cry..._

_it is not worth it..._

_shh, stay strong for me..._

_whatever happens, I still love you..._

 


	2. Collapse of the Sun

Otoya woke up with a start, gasping for breath, his face wet with tears. The ceiling looked unfamiliar, a drab off-white in comparison to the cheery beige of his room. His body felt heavy and icky, as if he had been running a marathon and skipped a shower afterwards. His memory was fuzzy, and his throat felt sore. What was he doing before this?

 

He turned his head to the side, taking note of the blond beside him. Syo was asleep, his shoulders moving with each breath he took. He looked so peaceful, Otoya could not bear to wake him up. But he had to, because Syo was sleeping on his arm and it was making it hard for him to move.

 

 _Ah, where was Tokiya?_ Otoya blinked owlishly, staring at the drip attached to the back of his hand curiously, his fogged mind slowly clearing up as he focused and tried to recall what had happened.

 

* * *

 

There was panic and chaos everywhere. Fans were screaming, but Otoya could only focus on the red, red, red that was bubbling out of Tokiya's mouth. His lover was on the ground, his hands clawing at his throat. Tokiya's whole being was in agony, a horrible sounding gurgle-croak erupting from his lips instead of sweet sweet music that Otoya was used to.

 

"Tokiya? _Tokiya_! **Tokiya**!!"

 

Otoya cried and ran to his pained love, screaming in despair when he was roughly held back by strong arms, stronger than his own. There was only one other person that was capable of stopping him in a bear hug, and he screamed louder as he kicked and flailed in Natsuki's arms.

 

"Natsuki! Let me **go**! Tokiya needs me! Tokiya's in pain!!" He struggled harder, clawing at the blond's forearms as he continued to scream and scream.

 

No!

 

_No!_

 

**_No!_ **

 

**This was not happening!**

 

"Get away from him!" Otoya wailed as strangers touched his Tokiya, choking back sobs and struggling to breathe. "He's _hurt_! He needs me, _Tokiya needs me_!! Get away! No, don't touch him!!"

 

He could vaguely hear Masato talking to him, but he could not focus on his friend's voice.

 

His Tokiya was _hurt,_

_hurt,_

_bleeding,_

_in pain,_

_it hurts Masa,_

_it hurts so bad,_

_I don't want Tokiya to be hurt..._

 

 

**_it's all my fault..._ **

 

 

"Shh. Ittoki. Breathe with me." Masato grabbed Otoya's face and stared right into his eyes, fierce violet against wet crimson. "Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Calm down, please."

 

Otoya's heart pounded in his chest as he forced himself to follow Masato's instructions, his body heaving as he sucked in air and forced it out. This only made him giddy, and he fainted in Natsuki's arms, unable to stay conscious any longer.

 

* * *

 

 _Ah right. I made Natsuki and Masa worry..._ Otoya tried to sit up, wincing a little as his body protested against his movements. "I... need to find Tokiya..." his voice was rough, scratchy, and he swallowed to try and ease the itch. Slowly, he tried to get up, but his legs buckled under him and he crashed onto the ground, startling Syo awake.

 

"Otoya!" Syo pressed the nurse call button before he quickly went over to hug his friend, blue eyes tearing up a little in relief. "Thank god you're ok!"

 

"Syo..." Otoya blinked. "Where's Tokiya? I wanna see Tokiya..."

 

"Come on, get back on the bed," Syo grunted, ignoring Otoya's pleas to see his lover as he manhandled the older male onto the hospital bed. "I got the nurse to check up on your stats, don't want you to faint again-"

 

"Syo!" Otoya cried out, fresh tears spilling out from his eyes. "Tell me, where is Tokiya!"

 

The nurse came in just then, and both men kept quiet while the nurse did her check up on Otoya. A soft smile and some kind words later, she left the two men alone again after scribbling new statistics on Otoya's patient records. Otoya waited until her footsteps no longer echo down the hall before he turned wet crimson eyes at Syo, his lower lip trembling as he whispered, "Where is Tokiya, Syo?"

 

The blond could not ignore his friend's sad face any longer. It felt like kicking puppies on the sidewalk, and Syo was never one to kick a man when he's down. "Tokiya..." Syo looked away, biting his lip. "Tokiya's alive."

 

"A-alive..." The redhead flopped back onto the bed, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. Tokiya is alive, but was he okay?

 

"He's... I'm not supposed to tell you this cos Ren and Hijirikawa warned me not to, but..." Syo swallowed before he continued, his voice cracking at the end. "A crazy-ass bitch attacked him with a knife... it was blunt, but it was heavy enough to cause really bad damage to his trachea and larynx. Internal injuries mostly, but because Tokiya was panicking and screaming he only worsened the condition and traumatised his muscles and body and mind and oh god it was so horrible to watch... He's still unconscious, and he has a breathing tube connected to his-"

 

"Syo..." Otoya grabbed the blond's hand to stop him from shivering too hard. "Syo, I don't understand what you just said. Trachea? Larynx?"

 

Syo bit his lip, forcing himself to calm down and be strong for Otoya.

 

 

**"His throat's damaged, and he lost his voice."**

 

 

* * *

 

_I felt the same._

_I felt happiness when I was with you._

_I did not know that I could feel this way._

_These feelings are not a lie._

 

Ocean blue eyes twitched under pale eyelids, long lashes casting shadows over high cheekbones.

The wolf ran through the woods, chasing after the elusive boy in the red hood.

It was but a long, long game, but will he catch his prize?

 

* * *

 

Otoya stayed in the hospital for a few more days, antsy and fidgety during the day, nightmare-bound and sleepless at night, until the doctor deemed him physically strong and well enough to be discharged the day after. On that day Shining came by to settle the paperwork for Otoya, his normally grinning face unusually solemn and grim, sunglasses nowhere to be found. It was a strange sight for Otoya, too used to a cheerful eccentric Shining, and it gave him a bit of a fright.

 

"Ittoki-kun, how are you feeling?"

 

Hearing the President speaking normally was also another strange thing, and Otoya took a moment to pause before replying, "I'm okay... I guess."

 

"That's good." The giant of a man stood up and calmly placed a hand on Otoya's shoulder. "Stay here. I'll be back after I address Ichinose-kun's situation-"

 

"Tokiya!" Otoya grabbed Shining's hand tightly, determined to at least get a chance to see his lover. "Please, Shachou, let me see Tokiya!"

 

There was a long moment of silence, before Shining spoke again. "You won't like what you see."

 

"It doesn't matter." Otoya frowned, his tone dropping slightly. "I want to see Tokiya."

 

* * *

 

Otoya had to remember to breathe slowly, feeling the panic rise in his throat and tasting like bile and vomit. It was horrible, seeing his lover so pale and grey, tubings attached to his wrists, his body thinner than Otoya last remembered. Tokiya's neck was heavily bandaged, supported by a lightweight neck brace, and Otoya sobbed softly as he approached the hospital bed, gently taking Tokiya's hand in his.

 

"Tokiya... you're okay..."

 

Dark, foggy eyes fluttered open, and Tokiya blinked a few times before turning his gaze to Otoya. He opened his mouth to speak, but thought better and smiled sweetly at him instead. _'I am here, Otoya, please do not cry,'_ he mouthed out, and Otoya returned the smile with one of his own.

 

"I'm glad, Tokiya, I miss you so much..." Otoya kissed Tokiya softly, light pecks on his forehead, eyelids, cheeks, and finally his lips. "I'm going home first, kay? Get better so I can take you home, and we can be together again. Promise?"

 

 _'I promise.'_ Tokiya lifted his hand and linked their little fingers together, smiling brighter when Otoya giggled.

 

"Ittoki-kun, we should go now." Shining patted Otoya's shoulder, gently pulling him away from Tokiya. "Ichinose-kun needs more rest, and the doctors will update us on his condition."

 

"Un. Okay." Otoya gave Tokiya one last kiss, smiling brighter now. "Bye-bye, Tokiya, I love you."

 

_'I love you too, Otoya.'_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The news came as a shock to Nanami Haruka, ST☆RISH, and QUARTET NIGHT.

 

"The doctors have tried their best, but unfortunately, nothing can be done." Shining, solemn and frowning, announced to the group a few days after Otoya's return to Saotome Mansion. "Ichinose Tokiya's voice could not be saved. He will remain mute for the rest of his life."

 

Otoya felt the fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he tried his best to swallow the news, that he would never be able to hear his Tokiya's beautiful voice ever again. He vaguely remembered being shuffled out of the room by Ren and Masato when Shining dismissed them, getting to the dining hall, and holding a mug of hot chocolate while the others murmured around him. Haruka sat down beside him, gently wiping away his tears with her handkerchief.

 

"Ittoki-kun... Please, don't beat yourself up on this," she whispered, close to tears herself. She admired Tokiya greatly, and knowing that everyone would not be able to hear him sing again broke her small heart. "It's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault... So please, smile for us again?"

 

"Un." Otoya sighed and sipped his chocolate. He had had a few nights of dreamless sleep between his return and the announcement, and he wondered if he could return to that peaceful slumber ever again. "Nanami, my choco tastes salty..."

 

Haruka giggled, though it was not as light-heartening as she wanted it to be. "I'll ask Hijirikawa-sama to make you a new cup. Wait here okay?"

 

"Un..."

 

Cecil took Haruka's place after she left, and Kurosaki Ranmaru sat on Otoya's other side. The two of them were very fond of the redhead, treating him like an older and younger brother respectively. Cecil hugged Otoya tightly, burying his face in the crook of Otoya's neck. Ranmaru grabbed Otoya's hands and massaged them gently, and the three sat in silence until Haruka returned with a fresh mug of chocolate.

 

"Cecil-san, Kurosaki-san, I'm sorry but can I leave Ittoki-kun with you?" she quietly asked, smiling when the two nodded. "Thank you very much... I have an appointment to make which I can't cancel and-"

 

"Haruka, go, we'll take care of him," Ranmaru shooed her off before she rambled on, pushing her gently. "All of us are here, we can take care of him."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Everyone took turns to look after Otoya, to make sure he was eating and sleeping right. Most of ST☆RISH's schedules that involved Otoya and Tokiya were cancelled after the fan meet fiasco, leaving them free to watch the redhead when it was their day off. The seniors had a few turns as well, Reiji taking most of the time spent with Otoya, followed by Ranmaru.

 

Mikaze Ai and Camus, on the other hand, were sent to check up on Tokiya in the hospital when their time allowed it, the former reporting everything to Shining while the latter gave Tokiya books to read to pass the time. Otori Eiji visited Tokiya as well, after begging his brother (who was in constant contact with Reiji) to give him the details. The young brunet gave Tokiya a sketchbook and some pencils, both to doodle in and to communicate with since not everyone can lip read.

 

Tokiya spent his days in the hospital either reading, drawing, or immersed in his own brooding thoughts. His visitors were mostly QUARTET NIGHT and Eiji, and on occasion the other members of ST☆RISH,

 

except for Otoya.

 

It was his own personal request.

 

_**` Please. Do not let Otoya come and visit me. This is the only thing I ask for.` ** _

 

He wrote down and showed it to everyone who came by, shaking his head when they asked him why. _`I do not want him to see me in this pathetic state. It is for the best. And please, do not tell him anything.`_ Knowing how stubborn the raven was, everyone followed his request, keeping their visits a secret from Otoya.

 

His nights were plagued with dreams of Otoya, of that fateful day, and of the what ifs and whys. He missed his lover's smile and laughter, but he could not bear to see his face or hear his voice, not when he was this vulnerable. Once he was strong enough to sit up unassisted, a sign language tutor was brought in by Shining, teaching the raven how to sign to communicate while he continued to be monitored in the hospital. Shining also encouraged Otoya to learn sign language, and the redhead put his all into learning everything the tutor taught him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Things were starting to look up, or so Otoya thought. While he was not a fast learner like Tokiya, Otoya managed to learn the important words, namely his name, Tokiya's name, and 'I love you'. His hands fumbled and fingers trembled, but his tutor was kind and understanding, slowly and carefully guiding him through.

 

Signing was all Otoya thought about. He stayed in his room and practised hard, rejecting Syo's invitations to play soccer, waving Ranmaru away when he came in for a jamming session, and turning down Reiji's attempt to lure him out with snacks and food. Masato and Ren were not able to coax him outside either, what more Natsuki, Syo and Cecil. The days passed, and Otoya ate and slept the bare minimum, using up all of his time practising with his hands so that one day he could talk to Tokiya proudly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**"Ichinose is moving back to Fukuoka."**

 

The cup in Otoya's hands slipped and shattered when Masato broke the news to him.

 

"That... can't be..."

 

"I'm sorry, Ittoki. Ichinose thought it would be best if he retired, and return back to his home. He... he told me to tell you that."

 

"No... no!" Otoya sobbed and fell to his knees, the tears he thought had dried up spilling fresh onto his cheeks again. "Tokiya... Tokiya promised... Tokiya _promised_ me he'll get better so I can take him home!"

 

Masato knelt down and gathered Otoya in his arms, petting his hair gently. It hurt his heart to watch Otoya cry, but alas he could not help any more than this. "I truly am sorry, Ittoki."

 

Otoya cried for the next few nights, curled up on Tokiya's bed and sobbing into his beloved Penguin plushie, a gift from Tokiya on his birthday a few years back. He rejected Cecil's and Reiji's attempts to feed him - only when Ranmaru roughly forced food into his mouth did he eat, but unbeknownst to everyone, he puked right after, his stomach rejecting everything that he swallowed. 

 

Movers came in one day to remove Tokiya's belongings, and Otoya screamed. They would have been attacked if it was not for Natsuki holding the redhead back, and Otoya struggled weakly in the blond's grasp. They packed Tokiya's clothes, all of his books, his laptop, and his stationery in a haphazard manner - ignoring Otoya's yells to _put them back where they belong, Tokiya doesn't like people touching his things!_ and left as quickly as they came, leaving Otoya sobbing into Natsuki's chest.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"It's alright, Ichinose-san, yes, yes...  ah, don't worry, I'll help him, please don't worry. Thank you for trusting me, Ichinose-san. I'll take care of him until we reach Fukuoka and your house. Thank you."

 

Tokiya watched as Eiji chatted with his mother Ichinose Maya over the phone, the books he borrowed from Camus carefully set aside for returning while the rest of his belongings were packed neatly into a duffel bag. His precious sketchbook lay open on his lap, his recent doodle being that of a wolf and a boy in a red hood. Once Eiji hung up, Tokiya smiled and signed, 'Thank you for helping me, Eiji-san. I apologise again since I had you call her using your own phone.'

 

"It's no worry at all, Ichinose-san," Eiji replied back, signing as he spoke. He had picked up sign language when he was younger, on a whim, and he was glad it finally came in handy. "You're one of my closest friends, it's only natural to help, isn't it? Ah, and you don't have to worry, Niisan is covering for me so that Tousan doesn't know."

 

'I still worry. Your father is not on the best of terms with our president, after all,' Tokiya replied back, packing his sketchbook into the duffel bag and getting up. He was given the green light to travel home, but he could only do it by train since his injuries prevent him from travelling at high altitudes. 'Shall we?'

 

They were interrupted when another call came through Eiji's phone, and Eiji answered, surprised to hear Ren on the line. "Jinguji-san?"

 

"Toriko-chan, speaker mode, please. Icchi needs to hear this as well."

 

Confused, Eiji switched to speaker mode, stepping closer to Tokiya. "I'm on speaker with Ichinose-san now."

 

There was no mistaking the slight panic and worry in Ren's voice as he said, "Ikki's gone missing. He's nowhere in the mansion, and the security cameras have no records of him leaving the compound. Bukki's on the way to pick you up right now, he'll fill you guys in on the way back."

 

Ren hung up just then, and Tokiya felt his heart stop. No... Otoya, why...

 

The two of them waited in the lobby for Reiji after Tokiya signed his release documents, Eiji holding tightly onto the raven's hand. The green Beetle pulled up after fifteen minutes, and Reiji quickly shuffled the two younger men into his car before taking off in the direction of the mansion. The older brunet explained everything to Tokiya and Eiji as he drove, his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel.

 

Apparently Otoya had been missing since dawn, but no one was around to witness him leaving as they all had early appointments. The last person to check up on Otoya was Syo, but that was the night before, right before they went to bed. They only realised Otoya was missing when Ranmaru went to feed him after he came back from his morning run at around ten in the morning.

 

Tokiya would have growled if his throat allowed him to. Instead, he dug his nails into his palms, and it took Eiji a lot of cajoling to get him to stop hurting himself. "Kotobuki-san... that was almost an hour ago," Eiji voiced out Tokiya's thoughts. "Ittoki-san could be anywhere by now."

 

"I know kid, I know." Reiji sighed, glancing at his junior worriedly through the rearview mirror. "Everyone's out searching for him now, and we sent details to your brother and the rest of HE★VENS so they can help as well. Tokki, check your phone too. Maybe he left some clues."

 

Blinking, Tokiya reached for his phone, remembering that he had it switched off ever since he regained consciousness in the hospital for the first time many weeks back. Immediately it buzzed furiously as messages came flooding in, mostly from Otoya. The latest message caught his eye, and he opened it.

 

-

`I couldn’t sleep at all, Tokiya, I miss you so much. `

`They took away everything of yours from our room, and I felt really lonely. `

`But oh, I bought these pills at Matsuk!yo. `

`A` `pparently, they’re flavourless... and you know how much I hate medication.`

`So maybe that’ll help with my sleep. `

`I can’t help but think how many would it take for me not to wake up. `

`I love you.`

-

 

 

Just as he finished reading the message, Eiji's phone rang again, and Eiji picked up. "Hello?"

 

`"Eiji-kun? Is my son still with you?"`

 

"Yes he is, I'll put you on speaker so you can talk to him too," Eiji quickly replied, holding his phone up so Tokiya can listen.

 

`"Tokiya, I don't know why and how but Otoya-kun's with me at home right now."` Maya sounded a little out of breath as she spoke, and Tokiya assumed it was because she was helping Otoya onto the couch or the bed. `"He won't tell me anything, and he looks so pale... Honey, I know it's none of my business, and I won't ask what happened between the two of you, but please, come home quick and talk to him. I'll take care of him in the meanwhile."`

 

She hung up, and Tokiya gritted his teeth. Eiji held his hand before he could punch anything, and turned to Reiji. "Kotobuki-san. Tokyo station, now please. I'll get Niisan to buy some tickets for us in the meanwhile."

 

"On it, kid."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Eiichi, decked out in a nondescript beanie and surgical mask, was already at the station when Reiji dropped Tokiya and Eiji off. Both of them were already in their disguises and surgical masks, and Eiichi passed his brother the tickets he requested for. "Keep Tokiya safe and hidden," the older brunet murmured softly, hugging Eiji tightly, then pulled Tokiya in a hug as well. "And you, update me on Otoya's condition once you reach home."

 

The two nodded, and hurriedly boarded the Nozomi line bound for Hakata. Tokiya was restless, his fingers drumming incessantly on his thigh. Eiji was glad Eiichi bought them seats that were far away from the packed carriages, and in the corner where no one could notice them. His phone buzzed, and his face scrunched up when he noticed who it was.

 

"Ichinose-san, I'm sorry but I need to make this call. I'll be within sight so signal to me if you need anything."

 

Eiji got up and went to the allocated space in between the carriages to yell at his father over the phone, occasionally looking out for Tokiya worriedly. He ended the call with a frustrated growl, almost yelling again when another call came through. "What?"

 

`Is this the younger Otori-kun?"`

 

"Ah, yes, it's Otori Eiji." His tone immediately changed to his normal sweet voice. "Who is this?"

 

`"Shining Saotome."`

 

Eiji covered his mouth with a soft gasp. "A-ah, Saotome-san, how may I help?"

 

`"Ichinose-kun is still with you, am I correct to assume?"`

 

"Ah yes, he is. We're on the train to Fukuoka now."

 

`"I understand, but if it's not too much trouble, could you pass the phone to him?"`

 

Eiji glanced around. The carriage they were seated in was fairly empty so there was less chance of him getting caught using his phone in the carriage itself. "Alright, I understand. Give me a moment, I'll pass it to him."

 

The young brunet made his way back to Tokiya's side, passing the phone to him. "Saotome-san wants to talk to you."

 

Tokiya held the phone to his ear, waiting for Shining to speak. He heard a sharp intake of breath, and tilted his head confusedly.

 

`"Ichinose-kun. I can only ask you this. Please, take care of my son. I know he knows I'm his father, and I know I've not been a good influence, but he's the only family I have left. Please."`

 

Tokiya's eyes widened as the call ended, and he stared incredulously at the phone. Was that how Otoya, a simple boy from an orphanage, managed to make it into a prestigious school like Saotome Academy? He heard that Otoya received anonymous funding, and now it all made sense. But this was not the time to think about that. He had to hurry home, hurry back to his Otoya.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The journey from Tokyo to Fukuoka was long, and midway through Tokiya and Eiji nodded off, exhausted from their earlier adventure. Tokiya woke up with a start when his phone buzzed, and he quickly answered when he realised it was his mother.

 

`"Tokiya, oh thank goodness, how long more?"`

 

The raven clicked his tongue, then gently shook Eiji awake, handing his phone over to the brunet who was rubbing his eyes and yawning. "Ichinose-san...?"

 

`"Eiji-kun! How long more till you two reach Fukuoka?"`

 

"Another two more hours..." Eiji looked around, then turned to speaker mode once he was sure no one was listening in. "is something wrong, Ichinose-san?"

 

Maya took a deep breath before she answered. `"I had to send Otoya-kun to the hospital... I found him unconscious with an empty Matsuk!yo prescription bottle in his hand."` Another harsh intake of breath, but she could not stop the soft sob that leaked through. `"I left momentarily to buy food for him, I didn't think he'd do this, Eiji-kun... Tokiya, my baby, if you're listening, I'm going to send you the address to the hospital in a bit. Forget about going home and go to Otoya-kun immediately. I'll be in the foyer waiting for you, and I'll text you updates whenever I can."`

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_I want to see you again…_ **

**_That’s a promise._ **

**_The next time we meet…_ **

**_let’s talk about more things._ **

**_And then…_ **

 

**_I want to see a wider world…_ **

 

 

**_If it’s the two of us…_ **

 

 

 

**_I’m sure it’ll be fun._ **


	3. Thank you, I love you

Tokiya and Eiji wasted no time. Once Maya gave them the address of the hospital, the two of them quickly searched for the fastest way there and sped off once they alighted at Hakata station. They made it in record time via taxi, and Tokiya immediately looked out for his mother, who ran towards them and hugged her son and Eiji tightly.

 

"The doctors pumped out the pills from his stomach, but he's still unconscious, and his heartbeat is weak." Maya wasted no time and brought the two men along with her to the Intensive Care Unit wing, making their way towards Otoya's private room. "Your President called me as well; he will cover for everything, so we don't have to worry about the finances. All we can do now is to hope Otoya-kun comes back to us."

 

Tokiya made an ugly sound at the back of his throat, his vision turning wet and blurry as he watched Otoya through the window. To think that a few weeks ago he was in his lover's current position, hooked up to tubes and machines to keep him alive.

 

_'Otoya... I am so sorry...'_

 

Eiji and Maya were talking behind him, but Tokiya could only focus on Otoya. His once-vibrant red hair was dull, bleeding into the white of the pillow, and his complexion was pale and sickly. Tokiya wished he could sing for his love to wake him up, wished that all these had not happened, but it was too late. The damage was done, and there was no turning back time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Ah… What a beautiful and fascinating dream..._

 

 

* * *

 

 

It took a few days for Otoya's condition to stabilise, and Tokiya remained by his side every minute of the hour. They moved the redhead to a private single room and took him off the ventilator once he was no longer in the danger zone, and Tokiya begged the nurses to let him stay with his Otoya, scribbling furiously into his sketchbook when he realised they did not understand sign language. It was against the hospital regulations for a non-family member to stay with a patient after visiting hours, but the head nurse made it an exception for Tokiya after seeing how desperate he was to stay close to his lover.

 

It was another few more days until Otoya regained consciousness, and Tokiya sobbed in relief when Otoya finally opened his eyes. He whined softly in his broken throat until Otoya turned to look at him, red eyes lifeless and dull.

 

"To... kiya..."

 

The raven sobbed again, grabbing Otoya's hand and gently placed it against his face. Otoya's fingers twitched, then lightly caressed his lover's soft cheek.

 

"Aah... it's really you..."

 

Tokiya nodded. _'I am here, Otoya. I am here...'_ he mouthed, cradling Otoya's hand against his face. _'I am so sorry... so sorry, Otoya...'_

 

"Tokiya..."

 

The nurse came in after Tokiya pressed the call button, and she dutifully checked Otoya's current condition. She smiled and informed them that Otoya was healing fast and well, and if this keeps up, the young man will be able to leave the hospital in a week or so. Tokiya immediately texted his mother and Shining about the news, and once the nurse left, he pressed a light kiss to Otoya's lips.

 

_'I missed you.'_

 

Otoya smiled. "I missed you more, silly..." He made to sit up, but Tokiya firmly pushed him down and shook his head. "Tokiya?"

 

_'You are still weak. You should rest.'_

 

"Un... okay..."

 

 

* * *

 

 

_do not cry anymore_

_you are fine as you are_

_look to the sky_

_ah… my sweetest love_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Maya dropped by with fresh clothes for Tokiya and some fruits for the two of them, hugging the redhead tightly as Tokiya left for a moment to get his changed. "Please don't scare me like this again, alright?" she quietly said, patting the young man's cheeks lightly. "You're my baby boy's important person, and I don't want to see either of you hurt ever again."

 

"I'm sorry Maya-san..." Otoya blushed, shyly looking up at her. "But, how did you know me and Tokiya are together...?"

 

"Which mother wouldn't know her son?" She smiled and ruffled his hair. "Besides, he won't stop talking about you whenever he visits me, and I've seen the looks the two of you share." Her voice went quiet, and she held Otoya's hand. "I heard about everything. I'm sorry I wasn't able to help, Otoya-kun."

 

"A-ah, it's... it's ok..." Otoya swallowed the rotten feelings that tried to rise up again. "It's my fault, I shouldn't have done it in the first place."

 

Maya patted his cheeks again. "It's not your fault. You love my son, and you just wanted to show the world how much you love him. It's not wrong."

 

"Thank you, Maya-san."

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Ah… what a beautiful and enchanting dream..._

 

 

* * *

 

 

`It's all that annoying Ittoki's fault our Tokiya-sama lost his voice and had to retire. #godieotoya`

 

 

`those fans are crazy for even liking ichinose he sucks dick for a living #godietokiya`

 

 

`it's so disgusting urgh they shouldn't be dating at all #godieotoya #godietokiya`

 

 

`Yanno, Ittoki Otoya should have been the one to lose his voice. It's not even up to standard. They should have kicked him out at the start. #godieotoya`

 

 

`My idols, gay? No way man. That's fucking gross. #godieotoya #godietokiya`

 

 

`I heard Otoya overdosed himself on sleeping pills and failed. What a loser.#godieotoya`

 

 

`srs fail lmao wwwww #godieotoya`

 

 

`its just a publicity stunt lol the school is failing and they needed the drama lol #godieotoya #godietokiya`

 

 

`They should just die and be done with it. #godieotoya #godietokiya`

 

 

`Burn in hell. #godieotoya #godietokiya` 

 

`Just die. #godieotoya #godietokiya`

 

 

`I wish you didn't exist. #godieotoya #godietokiya`

 

 

`Fucking gays. #godieotoya #godietokiya`

 

 

`Why didn't he just commit suicide properly? Fail. #godieotoya #godietokiya`

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Otoya was strong enough to sit up unassisted, and he was scheduled to be discharged in a couple of days. Tokiya was constantly by his side, only leaving to take a shower and change, or fetch food for the both of them. However, it was a mistake scrolling through his SNS whenever Tokiya was not beside him. The hashtags were everywhere, no matter where Otoya visited. He tried to mute them, tried to block them out, but it was neverending. A new post popped up with the same two hashtags every other minute, and each post was just as venomous, stabbing Otoya in the heart as his eyes skimmed through the messages.

 

 

It was during those moments when Tokiya was not beside him that Otoya mulled over his dark thoughts, fueled by the venom produced from those hate posts, and it was during then that he thought up of a way to end everything.

 

 

It was all his fault of course.

 

 

 

He should never have said anything.

 

 

 

It was because of him that Tokiya suffered.

 

 

 

**He had to end this suffering.**

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

It was late at night. Tokiya had gone out in the meanwhile, and Otoya was having his night checkup with the doctor. Tokiya returned just as the doctor left, and Otoya waited until the footsteps faded into the background before he tugged on the hem of Tokiya's shirt.

 

 

"Tokiya, sit down with me?"

 

 

The raven smiled tenderly, sitting down beside Otoya on the hospital bed. _'I am here,'_ he mouthed out, pressing his forehead against Otoya's. _'I will always be here.'_

 

 

Otoya smiled back. "Nee, Tokiya... why do you have such kind eyes?"

 

 

 _'That is because…'_ Tokiya recognised the line and decided to humour his lover. _'You are the one I am looking at.'_

 

 

"But why..." A single tear rolled down Otoya's cheek. "Why are your smiles so sad?"

 

 

 _'That is because...'_ Tokiya wiped the tear away with his thumb. _'When I’m with you, my chest feels like it hurts.'_

 

 

"Tell me." Otoya gently cupped Tokiya's face in his hands. "Where does your heart belong?"

 

 

Tokiya leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. _'It belongs with you.'_

 

 

"I love you, Tokiya." Otoya slid his hands down Tokiya's neck, then pushed him back onto the bed. "This... is to make our moment last forever."

 

 

Tokiya opened his eyes, not out of shock but to watch his lover's kind forgiving expression. _'Otoya, why...'_ he asked, even though he already knew the reason why.

 

 

"My pitiful Tokiya..." Otoya tightened his grip on Tokiya's neck, using the weight of his body to increase the pressure. "If someone's going to kill you... then I'll send you to Heaven with my own two hands..."

   

 

 _'Aah. That is good...'_ Tokiya did not struggle, keeping his gaze locked with Otoya's even as his breath left his body. His lips curved into a soft smile, and he reached up to caress Otoya's cheek. _'It is fine... like this...'_

 

 

Otoya returned Tokiya's smile with one of his own, more tears rolling down his cheeks and blurring his vision. "You finally smiled... When you smile, I feel happy too..."

 

 

Tokiya was feeling dizzy, but he fought his instinct to push away. _'I am really glad, that the last thing I see is your smiling face, Otoya...'_ He was slowly slipping away, but they needed to finish this scene. _'Thank you, Otoya. I love you.'_

 

 

"I love you too, Tokiya. I'll see you again soon."


	4. To die by your side, it is a heavenly way to die

_It was almost midnight. The nurse in charge of the night shift gave a soft knock on the door. "Ittoki-kun, it's time for your check-up."_

 

_No reply; the patient must be asleep. He quietly opened the door, trying not to make too much noise. "Ittoki-kun?"_

 

_The room was eerily quiet save for the low hum of the air conditioning, and he sighed quietly. The patient's friend was also on the bed, fast asleep right next to the patient, both of them facing each other and their fingers interlinked._

 

_The nurse smiled a little at the soft scene before him, but work was work. He gently shook the patient awake, frowning when there was no response. "Ittoki-kun?"_

 

_There was something definitely wrong. Immediately the nurse held his finger under the patient's nose, biting his lip as he did the same for the patient's friend._

 

 

 

**_Both of them were not breathing._ **

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Maya and Saotome 'Shining' Mitsuo were contacted immediately after the nurse alerted his colleagues, and both of them quickly made their way to the hospital, the latter using his private helicopter to make haste from Tokyo. Numerous attempts were made to revive both Otoya and Tokiya, the doctors working hard with all the equipment they have.

 

Mitsuo arrived at the hospital within record time, but it was too late. Maya was already there as she lived close by, and she was holding back her tears when she saw Mitsuo approach.

 

"Saotome-kun..."

 

No other words were needed. Mitsuo pulled her into a firm hug, letting her weep for her lost son as he shed a few tears for his own. The two mourned in silence, as the doctor went up to them to apologise. Otoya and Tokiya were both pronounced officially dead, the causes of their deaths still being investigated.

 

 

* * *

 

`Name of Deceased: Ichinose Tokiya`  
`Sex: Male`  
`Date of Birth: 6th August 1993`  
`Age: 24 years old`  
`Occupation: Talent/Artiste`  
`Estimated Time and Date of Death: 2216hrs, 8th June 2018`  
`Cause of death: Suspected Ligature Strangulation`

 

* * *

 

`Name of Deceased: Ittoki Otoya`  
`Sex: Male`  
`Date of Birth: 11th April 1994`  
`Age: 24 years old`  
`Occupation: Talent/Artiste`  
`Estimated Time and Date of Death: 2248hrs, 8th June 2018`  
`Cause of death: Stress-Induced Cardiomyopathy`

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading. 
> 
> This was a fic to celebrate Roulette Day, which was on the 8th of June (coincidentally Mamo's birthday, but I digress.) I don't know what came over me to kill my two best boys, but it was an area that I figured I could explore on, that is, the influence of fans on their idols. 
> 
> I thank my Roulette lovelies Lana, Laura, Ana, Ian and Shiira for their neverending support, even though I made Laura cry 99% of the time ^^;;


End file.
